The Backpack

I bought a backpack for a trip. It’s nothing special. No fancy name brand. No special features to speak of. But this backpack has tremendous significance and it is the symbol of a dream come true. 

Allow me to explain. 

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve loved traveling. Seeing the world and the differences in it fascinated me. It gave me a thirst for everything this world had to offer me and it motivated me to move toward seeing every part of it I can. Growing up we didn’t have money so most of my travels consisted of disastrous camping trips or limited to a particular geographical location. We went to Tennessee and Myrtle Beach (maybe twice) mostly. Otherwise, my travel happened through school trips to Nashville or the college tour to West Virginia, Virginia and Tennessee (again), and other parts of Kentucky. Day trips to Kings Island or going to visit my uncle at various locations he was stationed at through the years were also sprinkled throughout my youth. 

I fell in love though. The culture. The scenery. The food. All of it. But most of all I fell in love with the possibility of more to this world than the little segment I was born and raised in. 

My childhood was not the most heartwrenching story you will ever hear. Many had it far worse than I did. But what I learned in my childhood was to be seen and not heard. To work and not complain. To make do with what you had. To get through school and work for the rest of your life. Happiness was for the movies. In our world, you just dealt with what was handed to you. Now, these lessons were not intentional or meant to be mean in any way, it was just the way life was growing up in a small town in Kentucky when you’re family didn’t have a lot of money. 

But traveling and seeing what was in the world captivated me. I planned to graduate high school, go to college and get the hell out of the small town and see the world. That’s when the dream was born…to go to a place where it seemed everything was perfect… California. I know it does sound silly. I’m often asked why and what makes it so special. I don’t know honestly. And, to be fair, as I have gotten older the less I have this grandiose fantasy in my head about California being a mythical place where happiness just seeps into your life from every angle. 

Here’s where the backpack comes into play. I promise there’s a point. I’m going to California this summer, and I will take my 2 kids with me to share this amazing journey with me. I’m marking California off my bucket list. The backpack will be stuffed with books and snacks and hiking gear and whatever else but it’s the first item I bought for the trip (aside from airline tickets of course) and it will go with me to carry my memories home. 

It’s sometimes small items like this that have so much significance we often overlook them. This isn’t just a backpack. It’s a symbol of hard work, sacrifice, personal development, nights spent crying, nights spent laughing, and everything in between. 

I have worked tirelessly to overcome limited thinking and self-doubt. I never thought I would reach any of my goals. Sometimes they felt light-years away, some still do, but I’m not done. I have work to do, not only on my dreams but on myself as well. You see, if you are truly invested in being the best you can be, your work is never done. Your focus can’t be on “getting there” or “arriving” but instead on the journey to healing the beliefs we’ve all had instilled in us that have prevented us from being everything God intended us to be. 

It’s not glamorous and you won’t have people cheering you on even those who love you the most. You will have to learn to choose yourself above all else. Choose the life you design for yourself. It’s never easy but it’s always worth it. Borrow my faith at first if you must,  yours will build over time. Trust the process. Learn to trust yourself. Learn to embrace who you are and how God designed you. The world needs you to be the whole version of yourself. 

It’s my hope and prayer, you buy a backpack and while it will be empty at first, you’ll choose to pack it with memories of the life you created and the goodness of the challenge you fought through on the journey. When we change our outlook on life, our life changes.